"Don't hide. Get up, hold your head up high and show them what you got! ~Joe Mari Fadrigalan
Struggling with social anxiety or shyness?
Does this fear affect multiple areas of your life?
Want to get out of isolation?
Like many people, I was shy when I was a child. But he wasn't just shy, he was painfully shy. I would avoid social situations like the plague. And he barely spoke because he stuttered.
My shyness haunted me into adulthood. I stayed away from social situations for fear of being embarrassed in my speech. But even though my speech was improving, I was still alert and still uncomfortable in social situations.
Then I met a man who helped me change the way I dealt with my fears. Tom stuttered much louder than me, but that didn't stop him from interacting with people. I was surprised by his courage and apparent disinterest in himself when he introduced himself to me.
We chatted for a while and he made an impression on me that I will never forget. She couldn't stop stuttering, but that didn't stop her from talking.
Reflecting on this experience, I learned valuable lessons on how to overcome shyness. These may also work for you (even if you don't stutter):
1. Acknowledge the fear.
A common fear of shy people is fear of what other people might think of them. For me, my concern was the way he spoke. But it could also be something else, like a concern about your physical attributes or your intelligence.
Tom could have easily been scared the way he looked to me when he introduced himself. If so, that didn't stop him from striking up a conversation with me. I knew that to follow his example, I first had to acknowledge my own fears about how others saw me when I spoke.
You may be tempted to dismiss your feelings or try to ignore them. But the harder you try, the greater the fear. The first step to freedom is recognizing fear, no matter how silly or insignificant it may seem.
If you do this, something interesting will happen; You will find that you are probably more concerned with your own whims than others. It will give you the strength and courage to overcome them.
2. Embrace the shame.
yes it hurts No one likes to be embarrassed in public, but it will happen.
As a stutterer, I have been incredibly bothered by the way I speak on many occasions. He flowed when he spoke, only to be hit with a speech block. Some episodes were so severe that he seemed to have seizures.
Needless to say, this made me suspicious of speaking in public; I was too afraid of embarrassing myself. But Tom didn't seem to have that problem at all. I asked myself, "What if I accepted the potential embarrassment instead of hiding it?"
The more I opened myself to potentially embarrassing situations, the more courageous and resilient I felt.
It can also happen to you when you are ready to experience the greatest fear that prevents you from interacting with other people.
Think of the worst case. Is this a life or death situation? Otherwise, you will recover and be stronger. You will find it easier to engage in conversations instead of sitting on the sidelines.
3. Challenge your perception.
We place many unreasonable expectations on ourselves when we engage in social interactions. In a way, we believe that social conventions dictate that a person be highly intelligent, witty and entertaining in all their conversations.
I tried in the past to be all of those things for everyone and failed miserably because I wasn't myself. He tried to be what others wanted him to be. Instead of choosing to be fluid or still, Tom chose to be himself.
His powerful example made me wonder, "Would I hold others to the same ridiculous standards I held myself?" Probably not.
Do you think you should be smart, funny and entertaining in all your social interactions? Challenge these perceptions.
Most people can see through fake encounters. Just be yourself, people will like you for who you are. And if they don't, chances are you'll never see them again (or you won't see them again for a long time). Don't worry.
4. Focus on others.
When I spoke to Tom, I realized how much he encouraged me to talk about myself. I felt like he really cared about me and my story.
It helped me realize how focused I was on myself and what others might (or might not) think of me. To break the spell of selfishness, I needed to focus on helping others.
Coming out of my own world, I could see that other people had similar fears about what other people thought of them. It caused a big change in my way of thinking.
Rather than trying to calm myself down, I focused on helping others feel comfortable with welcoming greetings and a warm smile. I learned to listen carefully and really care about what they had to say.
The next time you're tempted to walk away from the conversation, remember this sage advice from Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People:
"So if you strive to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. Be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that others will be happy to answer. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
This step will definitely put her and you at ease.
5. Start small.
Sometimes we think we need to do big things to overcome our shyness, like speaking in front of hundreds of people or striking up a conversation with every person we meet.
Tom didn't try to make long speeches. His sentences were short and direct. I started modeling his behavior with fewer, simpler words. Over time, I became more comfortable talking at length.
You can begin to overcome shyness by taking small steps. If groups of three or more seem too intimidating, try introducing yourself to someone who may be looking for company. If eye contact seems too difficult for you right now, try focusing on another area near your eyes instead of looking down.
You will start to make progress and before you know it, you will become more confident in larger social contexts.
6. Practice self-compassion.
Overcoming social anxiety won't be easy and there will be times when you fall back into old habits. My stuttering has decreased a lot over the years. But sometimes it comes back strong when I'm anxious or tired. Or sometimes it just happens randomly.
Sometimes I avoid social situations when my confidence is low. When I'm tempted to get mad at myself for failing, it reminds me of how patient Tom was with himself as he struggled to speak. He didn't get angry. It only took him a minute to pull himself together and try again.
I remember that when my fear of social interactions returns, I too can become kinder and more patient with myself.
If you are also facing setbacks, show self-compassion. Be patient and kind to yourself on your journey to freedom. Don't be tempted to give in when you're feeling down.
Read Also : What is the relationship between Kim and Kendall?
White Clover Markets
"Don't hide. Get up, hold your head up high and show them what you got! ~Joe Mari Fadrigalan
Struggling with social anxiety or shyness?
Does this fear affect multiple areas of your life?
Want to get out of isolation?
Like many people, I was shy when I was a child. But he wasn't just shy, he was painfully shy. I would avoid social situations like the plague. And he barely spoke because he stuttered.
My shyness haunted me into adulthood. I stayed away from social situations for fear of being embarrassed in my speech. But even though my speech was improving, I was still alert and still uncomfortable in social situations.
Then I met a man who helped me change the way I dealt with my fears. Tom stuttered much louder than me, but that didn't stop him from interacting with people. I was surprised by his courage and apparent disinterest in himself when he introduced himself to me.
We chatted for a while and he made an impression on me that I will never forget. She couldn't stop stuttering, but that didn't stop her from talking.
Reflecting on this experience, I learned valuable lessons on how to overcome shyness. These may also work for you (even if you don't stutter):
1. Acknowledge the fear.
A common fear of shy people is fear of what other people might think of them. For me, my concern was the way he spoke. But it could also be something else, like a concern about your physical attributes or your intelligence.
Tom could have easily been scared the way he looked to me when he introduced himself. If so, that didn't stop him from striking up a conversation with me. I knew that to follow his example, I first had to acknowledge my own fears about how others saw me when I spoke.
You may be tempted to dismiss your feelings or try to ignore them. But the harder you try, the greater the fear. The first step to freedom is recognizing fear, no matter how silly or insignificant it may seem.
If you do this, something interesting will happen; You will find that you are probably more concerned with your own whims than others. It will give you the strength and courage to overcome them.
2. Embrace the shame.
yes it hurts No one likes to be embarrassed in public, but it will happen.
As a stutterer, I have been incredibly bothered by the way I speak on many occasions. He flowed when he spoke, only to be hit with a speech block. Some episodes were so severe that he seemed to have seizures.
Needless to say, this made me suspicious of speaking in public; I was too afraid of embarrassing myself. But Tom didn't seem to have that problem at all. I asked myself, "What if I accepted the potential embarrassment instead of hiding it?"
The more I opened myself to potentially embarrassing situations, the more courageous and resilient I felt.
It can also happen to you when you are ready to experience the greatest fear that prevents you from interacting with other people.
Think of the worst case. Is this a life or death situation? Otherwise, you will recover and be stronger. You will find it easier to engage in conversations instead of sitting on the sidelines.
3. Challenge your perception.
We place many unreasonable expectations on ourselves when we engage in social interactions. In a way, we believe that social conventions dictate that a person be highly intelligent, witty and entertaining in all their conversations.
I tried in the past to be all of those things for everyone and failed miserably because I wasn't myself. He tried to be what others wanted him to be. Instead of choosing to be fluid or still, Tom chose to be himself.
His powerful example made me wonder, "Would I hold others to the same ridiculous standards I held myself?" Probably not.
Do you think you should be smart, funny and entertaining in all your social interactions? Challenge these perceptions.
Most people can see through fake encounters. Just be yourself, people will like you for who you are. And if they don't, chances are you'll never see them again (or you won't see them again for a long time). Don't worry.
4. Focus on others.
Read Also : What is the relationship between Kim and Kendall?When I spoke to Tom, I realized how much he encouraged me to talk about myself. I felt like he really cared about me and my story.
It helped me realize how focused I was on myself and what others might (or might not) think of me. To break the spell of selfishness, I needed to focus on helping others.
Coming out of my own world, I could see that other people had similar fears about what other people thought of them. It caused a big change in my way of thinking.
Rather than trying to calm myself down, I focused on helping others feel comfortable with welcoming greetings and a warm smile. I learned to listen carefully and really care about what they had to say.
The next time you're tempted to walk away from the conversation, remember this sage advice from Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People:
"So if you strive to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. Be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that others will be happy to answer. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.
This step will definitely put her and you at ease.
5. Start small.
Sometimes we think we need to do big things to overcome our shyness, like speaking in front of hundreds of people or striking up a conversation with every person we meet.
Tom didn't try to make long speeches. His sentences were short and direct. I started modeling his behavior with fewer, simpler words. Over time, I became more comfortable talking at length.
You can begin to overcome shyness by taking small steps. If groups of three or more seem too intimidating, try introducing yourself to someone who may be looking for company. If eye contact seems too difficult for you right now, try focusing on another area near your eyes instead of looking down.
You will start to make progress and before you know it, you will become more confident in larger social contexts.
6. Practice self-compassion.
Overcoming social anxiety won't be easy and there will be times when you fall back into old habits. My stuttering has decreased a lot over the years. But sometimes it comes back strong when I'm anxious or tired. Or sometimes it just happens randomly.
Sometimes I avoid social situations when my confidence is low. When I'm tempted to get mad at myself for failing, it reminds me of how patient Tom was with himself as he struggled to speak. He didn't get angry. It only took him a minute to pull himself together and try again.
I remember that when my fear of social interactions returns, I too can become kinder and more patient with myself.
If you are also facing setbacks, show self-compassion. Be patient and kind to yourself on your journey to freedom. Don't be tempted to give in when you're feeling down.